a melt down tonight. That's right, me, the mom. I haven't cried in frustration with my kids for a while, I broke down tonight right in front of them. Usually I'm writing about how cute and wonderful they are but tonight...not so much. I feel it's important to remember the hard times along with the good, so please don't judge, let me explain...
Charlie is in a wonderful preschool, actually two wonderful preschools, one of his teachers has brought to my attention how she is trying to use positive reinforcement with him and really try to acknowledge all the things he is doing well in and not focus on all the things he struggles with like not listening, shouting, yelling, dancing around, occasionally hitting (sounds wonderful huh) she only puts him in time out when he's doing physical things like this with his body. Well he's informed me that he's been in time out every day this week. Lovely.
Every day I have a little pep talk before school but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. This school is very structured and is a classroom filled with girls and two other boys, the girls he carpools with don't play with him (they are led by a ring leader and she doesn't want to play with him for some reason and of course he always tries to play with her but she won't "let" him) and he doesn't get along with one of the boys.
He's always been hard in this area, I teach primary so I see how he behaves in his class and it's a hard thing to watch for me! To know that your son is that one who is the "hard" one in class is really difficult for me. Maybe because as a kid I never understood why the "hard" one in my class wouldn't just listen to the teacher, or maybe because as a parent you want your child to respect their teachers and be a good student. I'm really struggling with what to do to help him in this area.
So the deal today was that every time he listened to his teacher the first time he could tell me and would be able to color one of his dogs on his behavior chart (we are working on listening the first time right now on his chart.) When he got home I asked him
"How was school, did you do anything nice for anybody today?" (another thing I ask him to do every day before school)
"No, but I wasn't mean to anyone."
"Well that's good, did you go to time out"
Very quietly says "Yes"
"Did you listen to your teacher the first time today"
"Well I listened the first time she told me this was my last warning before she called my mom."
What do you say to this? It's hard not to get angry, but I am really trying to not focus on his bad behavior and try to focus on the positive things he does. His teacher also tells me that he is improving and does really well with reading and writing and coloring, she really is great at focusing on the things he does well. So I talked to him about it but just couldn't believe that this was my son. I just sat there and racked my brain as to how I was suppose to handle this, I did not come up with a solution. I flat out don't know what to do.
I went upstairs to wake Kenya up from her nap (she's been waking up early thanks to daylight savings and making up for it with her naps so in hopes of breaking that cycle I didn't want her to sleep for too long today), took her to the potty, she sat down and didn't pee, her pull up was full so I assumed she probably just went and she said she didn't need to go so I picked her up she got mad at me for some 2 year old reason and started hitting me and I just started crying right there holding Kenya. I sat down and Kenya gave me some needed hugs and watched me cry for a few minutes.
I went downstairs to start dinner when Charlie says "Why is there a big puddle of water on the floor?" Oh no, that's not water that's pee! I completely lost it over this 4th accident of Kenya's today. She is the hardest girl to potty train ever! She does good for a week and then could care less again. I stood there and cried while my kids stared at me, then Kenya started crying and Charlie sweetly said "I'll clean it up for you mom." He does have some redeeming qualities. :) I have tried to be consistent for 2 months with potty training now and nothing is working. I keep saying I'm going to give up but then convince myself that any day now she is going to get it but she isn't getting it. I don't know what to do, put her back in diapers for a while or stick with it? She knows how to do it she just won't do it by herself.
So if you have any advice in any of these areas I could use it.
So there it is, the mom had a melt down today. I'm not complaining, this probably doesn't really even count as an excuse for a melt down I could have much worse things happen to me, this I know, but I am just frustrated and struggling with knowing what to do to help my kids with these problems and as a mom that is a horrible feeling, I'm suppose to know what to do aren't I? I feel like everything I try doesn't work.
It's hard being a mom sometimes.
11 comments:
Oh Nikki I feel your pain in the potty training. If it makes you feel any better it took us ONE year. Yes one year to potty train Will. It was the most frustrating thing ever! Some days I thought Marcus was going to seriously lose his mind over it. Anyways the crazy thing is he just one day figured it out on his own and has not had an accident since. So I don't know if thats much comfort but I really think she will get it when she is ready. And with that everyone deals with their "Mom" struggles so you are not alone. I know just what it is like to have one of those days!
Nikki, I am so happy to see you post something like this!! You seem like you have the perfect life so now that I know you are normal we can still be friends. Hee hee!! I would like to see a picture of you with your hair and body not perfect for just one day! I feel like I have "one of those days" way too often. Kelsi got better once she went to kindergarten. Hang in there, it does get better eventually! You are so sweet and I wish I could see you more than every 6 months when I get my hair done.
Oh Nik...I'm so glad you posted this as well :)
I would always think "My kid will NEVER do that!" But then you have kids, and they do whatever they want!! So frustrating.
I think you're doing a great job, and you look great doing it :)
Not much help, sorry..... but let me know how it goes :)
Im sorry for the hard day! I feel that somedays my kids see me cry alot and i feel like i have no control over them. Hang in there though! I read the book by Jo Frost the Supernanny(How to get the best from your Children) and loved it! she has awesome ideas and techniques that has really helped with my kids, especially Cole! I have alot more patience and i dont yell as often and i feel my days and nights are much smoother:) give it a try! good luck and just know we are all in the same boat... you're just the brave one to blog about it!!
Annie- I didn't know Jo Frost has a book! I love the supernanny and watch it weekly because it helps me either feel like my kids aren't that bad or gives me good ideas and re motivates me. I'll have to look into getting her book thanks!
nik, you're doing a great job! being a mom is frustrating and hard and i think it's awesome that you keep trying things to find something that works. they will both get easier, trust me:)
Every Mom deserves to melt down and not feel guilty. Being a Mom is the hardest job on the planet. And you can't be too hard on yourself because the melt down shows how much you care. You are a great mom.
being a mother is the most hardest calling EVER! BUT the most rewarding as well.
If children are allowed melt downs so can mothers. We're the ones shaping their little lives and we just want the best for them.
Good luck with charlie and kenya.
I loved reading your post because I think in one sense or another we have all been there. I've watched you with your children and you are so patient, caring, and loving. You have to focus on everything you are doing right. I've never seen you yell at your kids. All you can do is try your best and things will work out.
When I get overwhelmed with Sam's situation I take a deep breath think of something Sam does that makes me laugh, I "think of the big picture" and say "this to shall pass" and it does. Meltdowns make me stronger and it gives you time to think, and seek advice from those that are close. Your children are so lucky to have you as their mother, things will work out just give them time. (Easier said then done right?)
If they're difficult as children, they'll be easy teenagers, right? I'm counting on this being true! :)
Your kids are so fortunate to have a mother who cares so much for them. I think you're amazing!
You are just a normal mom having a moment! I have plenty myself! But the key is that you are trying and that is really all that matters. You are such a good mom and the fact that you care so much shows it. My daughter is going through this tantrum stage and its so embarrassing. With the potty training, I really think it will just come when she is ready. Cole was on the verge and he pooped in his underwear, so I threw them away because I was not in the mood to clean them once again. After that he freaked out and started going in the potty. So thats my technique that I didnt mean to have work ha ha. Good luck and just know you are completely normal.
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